This incarnation started on Good Friday 1969. I was the last of eight kids. Childhood was normal. I had clothes to wear, food to eat, my own room, and too many toys to count. Seven years separate me from the next youngest of my siblings. The twins. My parents first born, my oldest brother, is sixteen years my senior.
The rest of the kids fit neatly inbetween my oldest brother and the twins, separated in age by one, or two years. me being seven years appart from the rest of them, I learned to be alone, without feeling lonely, developing an active imagination in the process.
When I was young, I often followed dad out the door into the "half-tonne" when he left for work. He was a Carpenter and Contractor, having a reputation, in our small community, for being both highly skilled and ethical. From my standpont, he was strict, never brokering back-talk. I had no idea how much he suffered. One day, about age 7, I asked him about God. This is what he said:
"The Kingdom of God lies within. God is not flesh nor blood, not man nor woman. God is the All in All. God does not condone or condemn, he accepts. To have Faith is to know that God knows what she is doing."
I had no idea what he meant, but I believed him. This was my first insight, laying the foundation for my future.
My Mother was always around, but she let me be. She provided anything I asked of her and I had no idea how much I took her for granted. She could run faster mad than I could scared, but didn't scare me much. I can't imagine a more wonderful person. When life was lowest; Mom made life bearable. I Love her dearly.
Having five older sisters and two older brothers, plus dad being a local bussiness man made it near impossible to get away with anything. Everyone in town knew at least one of the family, so dad usually knew what I did before he got home.
My siblings and parents were all as kind as they knew how to be, everyone laughed a lot and they are all generous in there own way. Around age 9 we moved to the country. I changed schools and met knew friends. About a year later my Father Committed Suicide, which was the first traumatic event of my life, ending Act I.
After, Mom sold the acreage and we moved back to town. Around that time I started expressing a lot of anger and frustration. In hind sight, it was like building a wall, but two groups I gravitated toward balanced out the family life.
As my siblings before me, turning thirteen meant joining Air Cadets, where I met more new friends, and learned some cool stuff about airplanes, leadership, public speaking, bush craft and a bunch of other stuff.
The last year at the County School I entered the Provincial Wrestling Tournament. I didn't win a match, but wresting turned out to be a significant part of my life for the next few years too. During my years in High School, I won a few Tournaments and built even more friendships. We travelled all over the Country, capped with a month of training in Europe.
One day coach gave me another valuable insight. He was an Amway guy too, so he had a lot of modivational phrases and stuff. This is what he said.
"Life is like a rubber ball, the harder you throw it to the ground, the higher it bounces up."
This one helps find the positive side of any situation, which was important for a guy getting his ass kicked every weekend at some wresting tournament or another. Joining Wrestling and Air Cadets helped distract me from home life, where I readily expressed a lot of destructive energy for no apparent reason. The reasons were revealed much later.
Aside from Wresting and Air Cadets, everything else in my life seemed to be a struggle, like failing Grade 12 English for the second time leaving me short 5 credits. But I knew I'd return in the fall, pass the class, and earn the diploma. I was no idiot, I just couldn't spell very well and couldn't grasp the concepts of grammar and punctuation, so I didn't hand in a lot of written assignments.
However; the new principle didn't believe me when I told him I would return. He didn't allow me to graduate, or go through the ceremony with my friends. His decision made me VERY angry. I didn't like him, he knew it and had the power to make my life miserable.
The fallowing Fall, I enrolled in English 30 again; passed, and earned my High School Diploma with Senior Matriculation; which is just a fancy way of saying that I passed the highest levels of ALL subjects required, including three different disciplines of science. I was no honor student, but for a guy who spent most of his time working, wrestling, drinking, watching TV, or polishing boots for Air Cadets, instead of homework, I didn't do too bad.
After I earned the diploma I felt Free for the first time in my life and esoteric subjects were starting to get my attention, as I'm about to explain. But even though I was learning a lot of good lessons, it took me a long time to figure out how to keep my mouth shut, getting me into a lot of predicaments, which mom usually bailed me out of. My brothers and sisters just avoided me with disappointment, which quickly turned up the heat of a simmering mistrust toward a boiling point of resentment.
Confrontations with authority became frequent. I was turning into a real prick! That's about the time I wanted to know WHY I was having so much trouble controlling my emotions, not just angry stuff, I rode a roller coaster of emotions in those days and I had a lot of energy too. I was pretty loud. I still can be and let's face it, loud people can be pretty annoying.
I didn't want to be annoying either. I figured there must be something wrong with me, because I knew inside that I didn't want to be an annoying prick. So I started to study, which has lead down a very interesting road. I didn't realize it at the time, but I essentially asked the universe to explain what was wrong with me, and point me in the direction which would explain things. I was open to anything. Having no Religious back ground, I never went to church, I wasn't limited to the information I would peruse.
First, I met a clairvoyant who introduced me to some hidden mysteries, that weren't spoken of in regular company in those days. He also sold me a "muscle car" and taught me how to rebuild it. I developed a whole new way to look at things, that's for sure.
Secondly, one of my buddies gave me a bunch of books by T. Lobsang Rampa, reinforcing and furthering my understanding of "Metaphysics," the physics behind physics, and the "Occult," the knowledge of the unknown; which my clairvoyant friend first introduced me to.
I decided to apply: "The Middle Way" and other principles of Tibetan Buddhism to my life. I figured it would help with my anger management issues. If I would have studied the books more, and applied the knowledge more readily, I'm sure it would have. I guess I still needed to suffer.
After high school I worked at various jobs and eventually made my way to College; where I had to take 2 full semesters of Literary Analysis and Writing as a Pre-Requisite. I recall saying "Shit" to myself, which I knew how to spell plus I didn't require any grammar or punctuation to emphasize what I meant.
My English Professor was a short guy with a limp and he wore a "bowler" hat. He was the perfect stereotype of an English Professor. I failed my first assignment and said "Shit!" At least I learned a bit of punctuation.
Over the course of two semesters, I developed a friendship with the Prof, fell in love with literature; especially poetry becuase it seemed to line up with a lot of the essotaric stuff I was also studying. Eventually I got my shit together and passed the class with an A-. I still havn't any grasp of grammar or punctuation; which you've probably figured by now, and still have trouble spelling my own name, but I've got a spell checker to help with that now.
I also read a book by, Ken Follett; "The Pillars of the Earth," which is still my favourite book. That book caused me to fall in love with reading. Through reading, I learned; words lead to knowledge, which leads to wisdom, which is Power, and has nothing to do with money. I've been an avid reader ever since.
However, I didn't finish College. Instead, I returned home broke and hungry. I moved through a few more jobs and had a fist fight with one of my brothers. That experience was also very traumatic. We didn't speak again for 13 years.
At this point anger was getting the best of me and I was miserable within and without. But I used the time away from my brother wisely reading and studying everything I could find in order to figure out why my life wasn't working.
Although I was an angry miserable SOB I didn't like it and I wanted to change my behaviour. Hurting other people is depressing and tragic, but I didn't seem to have any control over my emotions. It was mostly yelling, but there were also physical confrontations. All in all I was fairly destructive even though my character is the complete opposite. I'm a lover not a fighter, the anger was driving me nuts.
Changing my behaviour has taken a lot longer than I thought it would, but somewhere in my studies I figured out a few things, chief among them was the fact that beliefs create behaviour. So I went about examining my beliefs to see what I could discover about myself. What a mess I found in there!
Somewhere about this time my oldest sister introduced me to a spiritual counsellor, whom I learned even more from regarding metaphysics and the occult. It was the first experience I had with Tarot cards and she also facilitated a lot of other valuable instruction. She helped me understand that I was responsible for my own reality, providing a wide variety of techniques for making adjustments to it, including ways to clear out beliefs gained from this life; as well as, past lives, which no longer served my greater good.
That belief clearing was tough work in hind site, very emotional and required a lot of courage. Progress was slow going at first. I learned real quick that a Soul accumulates a lot of beliefs over hundreds of lifetimes. I'm grateful I learned much easier ways to do my shadow work since then and I Am excited to share what I learned. Much to my chagrin the anger didn't dissolve completely; even though, I was healing slowly, yet surely.
It was difficult maintaining an even keel. I've lost a lot of jobs and ruined many relationships with good people over the years, getting to the point where I avoided people all together, guaranteeing I wouldn't hurt anyone. I would have given up a long time ago if not for my love of God. My Family; aside from my mother, who ironically received the brunt of my destruction, didn't put up with my shit and I'm pretty sure I scared the hell out of most of them. No one, including myself, knew what would trigger an emotional out burst of some kind.
Not long after my fight with my brother, I moved to the City. I got a job as a table server and started earning more money than ever. Plus I got to go to a lot of Oiler games. My Boss was an amazing guy, who put up with a lot of my crap. I was lucky my family taught me the value of hard work and honesty, otherwise I'm sure he would have fired me way before the first time he had to. I've worked for him, on an off, on 4 separate occasions. I consider him my friend to this day. I probably would have starved to death without his understanding.
Over the last many years I've lived in Edmonton, changing jobs every two years as usual, pulling myself off my Spiritual path a few times, but all in all it's been an enjoyable conscious up hill climb toward enlightenment. One occasion in particular stands out.
“There can be no Religion more true or just, than to know the things that are.” ~ Hermes Trimegistus
While studying with my counsellor many years previous I learned of a book called "An Ascension Handbook." It was channelled material from a Spiritual entity named Serapis, written by a fellow named Tony Stubbs. By this time I had a lot of understanding about "Inner Gifts", so the fact it was channelled material didn't phase me.
I'm not going to recite the book for you, but there is a wealth of information in it about how energy works, and what it is we are all doing here from a Spiritual point of view. All the information provided is also very straight forward and easy to follow, and the recommended exercises work like a Swiss Watch. I lost my first copy, but picked up a second one for 6 cents off of Amazon. The guy who sold it obviously had no idea what he had, cause the book is priceless to me.
As it turns out, the "Function" known as Serapis is also the same energy gestalt known as Hermes Trismegistus, Thoth and Osiris. Now...you don't have to believe a word of this, but those of you who've had similar experiences with Ascended Masters and Angels will be able to completely relate. For the rest of you, just enjoy the story in disbelief.
In the summer of 2006 I was hard at work studying the book, and performing a whole lot of deep breathing exercises. One night I was reading a section about how I could raise the frequency of my cellular structure with nothing more than intention. I followed Serapis' simple instructions while deep breathing, giving the process a whirl. If you've heard about people who've had near death experiences, that's the closest I can explain what happened to me.
All of a sudden I was sitting in my small apartment when a profound ringing started in my ears and I could also sense an accute vibration throughtout my whole body. Just like that everything I had ever wondered about became crystal clear. Any questions I ever had were instantly answered. When I looked at my library I could have conversations with the authors instantly, as I could clearly hear their voices inside my head. I recall thinking of that old phrase about the line between genius and insanity being very thin, as I was definitely walking along it.
My life made complete sense, including all the anger stuff and I knew EXACTLY what I was doing here on Earth, as well as knowing EMPHATICALLY, how to end the cycle of reincarnation. I also realized an awful lot of work yet remained even though I had a new hightened sense of awareness.
Right away I started to piece together all the knowledge I had been gaining throughout my life and I remember going back to the beginning, right to the very first question I asked myself, the instant I became conscious.
The answer was short and oh so sweet. "I Am that which IS." Once I got the answer to that; I very quickly realized that: "I Am ALL there IS." So I continued to follow this line of thought and wondered why everything looks so separate and once again the answer was simple and obvious.
I AM "apart of" and "a part from" ALL that I AM. The visualization I got was that of my physical body. My legs and arms are not separate from my body, only a part of and parts from my body. To say I was emotional would be like saying Wayne Gretzky was a good hockey player. Actually; the feelings, thoughts, and emotions I was experiencing at that point are unexplainable.
I knew that I knew and I felt great about it. I figured out the ultimate answer and achieved the goal for which I have spent my whole life in pursuit. I couldn't wait to tell somebody, actually, I couldn't wait to tell EVERYBODY! As it turned out, much to my dismay, nobody wanted to listen. In essence, how could such an ordinary Joe with a history of expressing anger, claim to know the mysteries to life? I wonder the same thing.
Another thing that I always wondered about was what my Father first told me about God. For years I wondered which part within me was the God part. As I mentioned earlier, I was doing a lot of deep breathing and while I was in this conscious state, I pieced together that my BREATH is the part within me that is also the God part.
After all those years I finally understood what my Father meant. I just changed the word God, in my dads explanation with the word Breath and look what happens.
"The Kingdom of Breath lies within. Breath is not flesh nor blood, not man nor woman, Breath is the All in All, Breath does not condone or condemn, it accepts. To have Faith is to know that Breath knows what it is doing."
If you think about it; all conscious life starts and ends with the Breath. If you weren't here reading right now, breathing, you wouldn't be disagreeing, or agreeing with anything! You wouldn't have a life, let alone an opinion about what life is all about. Your Breath allows you to create life just like The All creates the Cosmos.
I know it sounds nuts, but each of us who Breathe can use that Breath to move energy and if we learn to Breathe consciously we can make manifest material reality with the intention of our Free Will. This website is all about explaining how to do that.
ALL matter is composed of energy. When you get down to the nuts and bolts of matter, material stuff is just really dense energy and all energy moves from a source through conscious living bodies.
The Breath allows the comprehension and manifestation of the intangible into the tangible. But energy composes ALL things, not just things you can pick up. Think about an idea, or a radio wave, or even the air you breath. It's All energy in one shape or form, vibrating and moving at various different densities, in some kind of space, or dimension.
Your Breath allows the abstract concept of God, or whatever you perceive to be creating everything, the power to transform thoughts into anything including, but not limited to, concrete physical reality.
You can pretty mush substitute any abstract concept with the word Breath in the "God" explanation above and the concept evolves into a deep multi-layered understanding. Try the words Love, Trust, Faith, Hope and see what happens.
You will soon realize that all things "Outwardly" are manifested from "Within" YOU! Everything we see outside of ourselves is a projection from within. Once you wrap your brain around this truth...trust me things will most definitely change, and you will be the one changing them.
So when I figured all this out, meeting resistance from pretty much everyone who I tried to explain it to, I decided to write a book, which eventually turned into this website idea. I had just solved ALL the worlds problems. So I wandered around in euphoria for about two weeks, high on love, with more energy imaginable when everything came to an abrupt STOP!
I couldn't sustain the energy. "Shit!!" Before I could help anyone I had to help myself first. I still had a lot of old beliefs to clear out and a lot more to remember about how everything worked. My taste of enlightenment was just that, a taste, but also one hell of a short cut!
As it turns out old "negative" beliefs also hold a frequency, much lower than the frequency I had been introduced to and in order to sustain the higher frequency vibration I have to learn how to let go of the lower frequency stuff. That's what "Shadow-Work" is all about.
I feel very fortunate and grateful for Who ever, or whatever is making the decisions, deciding to give me a taste of this alternate reality, but also knowing I need more seasoning to be of any service to others let alone completely Ascend and go home.
After that little episode I explained above, I hit as rock bottom as one can hit and I hit hard! Saying that I was depressed would be an insult to the level I had fallen. Thankfully Coach told me about that rubber ball!
I had something to look forward to. The assent back up has been nothing short of miraculous in a very ordinary way. Plus, now that I know how to do it, so to speak, I don't get, or stay stuck for long. Even though I don't sustain the energy of that experience 24/7; although, I do brush by it on a occasions, I've retained the knowledge download from it. All the things I've continued to wonder about and study are placed in context to those unbelievable and ineffable experiences.
It doesn't matter what kind of experience I have any more either, they're all good, even the ones I used to label as "bad", or "negative" are now just experiences for which my Spiritual Oneness learns something. I AM grateful for being the "part" of Spirit that gets to move through them. I'm not saying being depressed doesn't suck, but NOW I KNOW that without being depressed, I wouldn't know what it means NOT to be depressed.
Even if you don't completely understand all the things I talk about on my website at first, you can trust I'm not leading you down a garden path. No harm will come to you by reading my words. In fact, a lot of my words are deliberately showing you how to protect yourself from those who mean to control your mind. I'm advocating that you control your own mind.
Thanks for getting to know me a little better. It was probably the most long winded About Me page you've every waded through. Thanks for getting this far. I hope this site can make your own personal journey Home a little easier, a little more enjoyable, and a lot more fun.