Act I: The Setup
Trenton Douglas McNary. Born: April 4th, 1969. Sign: Aries. Life Path Number: 33I appeared in this life on "Good Friday" the last child in a family of eight.
My childhood was excellent by all standards. I always had new clothes to wear, nourishing food to eat, toys to play with, and an abundance of love from a nifty hard working immediate and extended moral family.
Since there are 7 years that separate me from the next youngest of my siblings, I developed an active imagination and learned to enjoy being and playing alone, without ever feeling lonely.
I spent a lot of time with my Father while he was at work. He was a Contractor and had a reputation, in our small community, for being both highly skilled and ethical. He was also VERY strict and brokered no back talk. He built a 1943 Harley Davidson Motor Cycle from scratch; which turned heads wherever he drove it. It was the pride of our whole family. I received many rides. I had no idea how much he suffered.
One day, about age 7, I asked Father about God. This is what he said: "The Kingdom of God lies within. God is not flesh nor blood, not man nor woman. God is the All in All. God does not condone or condemn, he accepts. To have Faith is to know that God knows what she is doing." I had no idea what he meant, but I believed him. This was my first insight, laying the foundation for my future.
My Mother was always around, but she let me be. She provided anything I asked of her and I had no idea how much I took her for granted. She could run faster mad than I could scared, but she didn't scare me the way my father did. I can't imagine a more wonderful person, but she worries too much. Mom is my favorite person in the world. When life has been lowest; Mom made life bearable. I Love her dearly.
I have five older sisters and two older brothers. Mostly they hadn't any interest in what I was about, which suited me just fine. They were all as kind as they knew how to be, everyone laughed a lot and they are all generous in there own way.
I know I went to school, but haven't many significant memories of school aside from the children I played with, all of whom eventually faded out of my world, save one. I met my best friend, "JR", around age 6, on the local outdoor rink in the middle of a Prairie Winter. We've been cheering for the Edmonton Oilers together ever since.
I also remember "Mr. K", a High school teacher who made special visits to our elementary school, he introduced me to wrestling.
Around age 9 we moved to the country and I had to change schools. This is when I met another close friend, "IF".
When I was 10 my Father Committed Suicide, which was the first traumatic event of my life, ending Act I.
Act II: The stakes get higher
After Father died, Mother sold the acreage and we moved back into town.
Shortly after Father died I began to express a lot of anger and frustration. I started building my wall.
I also started to build BMX Bikes. I raced them and practised a lot of tricks, perfecting very few. My balance was terrible. Regardless, I was as proud of my bike as I was of my Father's and it gave me a lot of freedom.
Mom sold my Father's bike. She claimed she didn't want "The Boys" fighting over it. I figured she was just scared one of us would hurt ourselves riding it, which pissed me off, explaining the fact that whenever she bought me anything; I didn't care if I lost it, destroyed it, sold it, or gave it away. All completely sub-conscious expressions, of course, for me being angry with her for selling dad's Harley. Who the hell was she for deciding if I wanted to take a risk! But like I said, it was all subconscious at the time.
At age 13 I quit playing organized Hockey and joined Air Cadets instead. Over the next 6 years, or so, I learned a lot of cool stuff, met a lot of new friends, and believed most of the stuff they told me.
In Grade 9 I entered a Provincial Wrestling Tournament. I never won a match, but I fell in love with another sport.
In Grade 10 I joined the Wrestling Team and Mr. K became my coach and confidant. Over the course of my High School Wrestling career I won a few Tournaments and built some new friendships. We travelled all over the Country and even trained for a month in Europe. Mr. K provided me with another valuable insight. He told me: "Life is like a rubber ball, the harder you throw it to the ground, the higher it bounces up." Since then I've always been able to find the positive side of any situation.
I was unconsciously smart to have joined Wrestling and Air Cadets which helped to channel some of the destructive energy that I readily expressed for no apparent reason. The reasons were revealed much, much later. I still needed to suffer a bit; which is the best way to learn if you know how to pay attention.
In grade 12 I failed Grade 12 English for the second time and was short 5 credits in order to receive my diploma, but I knew I would return the next year and pass the class to earn that all important piece of paper. I was no idiot, I just couldn't spell very well and couldn't grasp the concepts of grammar and punctuation, so I didn't hand in a lot of written assignments, which was a great justification. Mostly I was to lazy to do my homework, preferring to do things I enjoyed, which was the truth. Third time lucky right?
The plot thickens!
The new principle didn't believe me when I told him I would return the next year and pass English. He didn't allow me to graduate, or go through the ceremony with my friends who I grew up with for more that 12 years. His decision made me VERY angry. I didn't like him, he knew it and had the power to make my life miserable.
The fallowing Fall, I enrolled in English 30 again; passed, and earned my High School Diploma with Senior Matriculation; which is just a fancy way of saying that I passed the highest levels of ALL subjects required, including three different disciplines of science. I was no honor student, but for a guy who spent most of his time working, wrestling, drinking, watching TV, or polishing boots for Air Cadets, instead of homework, I didn't do too bad. Plus I was Free for the first time in my life and esoteric subjects were starting to get my attention, as I'm about to explain.
I learned a great lesson from that High School Principle about how power can be used for constructive purposes, or destructive purposes. I learned it was more effective to keep my mouth shut when dealing with people who liked to use it for the latter, ironically, when I was honest with myself, I noticed I used it for the latter...a lot.
Even though he taught me a good lesson, it took me a long time to figure out how to keep my mouth shut, getting me into a lot of predicaments, which Mom usually bailed me out of. My brothers and sisters just avoided me with disappointment, quickly turning up the heat of a simmering mistrust toward a boiling point of resentment. Confrontations with authority became frequent. I was turning into a real prick!
That's about the time I wanted to know WHY I was having so much trouble controlling my emotions, not just angry stuff, I rode a roller coaster of emotions in those days and I had a lot of energy too. I was pretty loud. I still can be and let's face it, loud people can be pretty annoying. I didn't want to be annoying either. I figured there must be something wrong with me, because I knew inside that I didn't want to be an annoying prick. So I started to study, which has lead down a very interesting road.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I essentially asked the universe to explain what was wrong with me, and point me in the direction which would explain things. I was open to anything. Having no Religious back ground, I never went to church, I wasn't limited to the information I would peruse.
Significant things are happening about now!
1. I met a clairvoyant who introduced me to some hidden mysteries, that weren't spoken of in regular company. He also sold me a "muscle car" and taught me how to rebuild it. I developed a whole new way to look at things, that's for sure.
2. JR gave me a bunch of books by T. Lobsang Rampa; which reinforced and furthered my understanding of "Metaphysics," the physics behind physics, and the "Occult," the knowledge of the unknown; which my clairvoyant friend first introduced me to.
3. I decided to apply, "The Middle Way" and other principles of Tibetan Buddhism to my life. I figured it would help with my anger management issues. If I would have studied the books more, and applied the knowledge more readily, I'm sure it would have. I guess I still needed to suffer. Na! I was still lazy.
After high school I worked at various jobs and eventually made my way to College; where I had to take 2 full semesters of Literary Analysis and Writing as a "Pre-Requisite". I recall saying "Shit" to myself; which I knew how to spell plus I didn't require any grammar or punctuation to emphasize what I meant.
My English Professor was a short guy with a limp and he wore a "bowler" hat. He was the perfect stereotype of an English Professor. I failed my first assignment and said "Shit!" At least I learned a bit of punctuation.
Over the course of 2 semesters, I developed a friendship with the Prof, fell in love with literature; especially poetry, and passed the class with an A-. But I still had no grasp of grammar and punctuation; which you've probably figured out for yourself by now, and still have trouble spelling my own name, but I've got a spell checker to help me out with that now.
My buddy IF gave me a book by, Ken Follett called; "The Pillars of the Earth"; which is still my favourite book. I fell in love with reading after going through withdrawals at the conclusion of reading that book I've been an avid reader ever since.
I didn't finish College; instead I returned home, broke and hungry. I moved through a few more jobs and had a fist fight with one of my brothers. That experience was also very traumatic. We didn't speak again for 13 years.
The Real Journey Begins in Earnest
At this point my anger was getting the best of me and I was miserable within and without. But I used the time away from my brother wisely reading and studying everything I could find in order to figure out what was wrong with me. Although I was an angry miserable SOB I didn't like it and I wanted to change my behaviour. Hurting other people is depressing and tragic, but I didn't seem to have any control over my out bursts. It was mostly yelling, but there were also physical confrontations. All in all I was fairly destructive even though my character is the complete opposite. I'm a lover not a fighter, the anger was driving me nuts.
Changing my behaviour has taken a lot longer than I thought it would, but somewhere in my studies I figured out a few things, chief among them was the fact that beliefs create behaviour. So I went about examining my beliefs to see what I could discover about myself. What a mess I found in there!
Somewhere about this time my oldest sister introduced me to a spiritual counsellor, whom I learned even more from regarding metaphysics and the occult. It was the first experience I had with Tarot cards and she also facilitated a lot of other valuable instruction. She helped me understand that I was responsible for my own reality and provided a wide variety of techniques for making adjustments to it; including ways to clear out beliefs, gained from this life, as well as past lives; which no longer served my greater good.
That belief clearing was tough work in hind site...very emotional and the progress was slow going at first and I learned real quick that a Soul accumulates a lot of beliefs over hundreds of lifetimes. I'm grateful I learned much easier ways to do my shadow work since then and I Am excited to share what I learned. Much to my chagrin the anger didn't dissolve completely, but I was healing slowly, yet surely.
It has been very difficult for me to maintain an even keel. I've lost a lot of jobs and ruined many relationships with good people over the years. It got to the point were I just avoided people so that I could guarantee that I wouldn't hurt anyone. I would have given up a long time ago if not for my two best friends, who I also hurt, but they loved me unconditionally and also spent many hours with me while I suffered emotionally after an out burst. My Family; aside from my mother, who ironically received the brunt of my destruction, didn't put up with my shit and I'm pretty sure I scared the hell out of most of them. No one, including myself, knew what would trigger an out burst.
Not long after my fight with my brother, IF and I moved to the City. I got a job as a table server and started earning more money than I ever had previously. Plus I got to go to a lot of Oiler games. My Boss was an amazing guy, who put up with a lot of my crap, I was lucky my family taught me the value of hard work and honesty, otherwise I'm sure he would have fired me way before the first time he had to. I've worked for him, on an off, on 4 separate occasions. I consider him my friend to this day. I probably would have starved to death without his understanding.
Over the last 16 years or so I've lived in Edmonton, changed jobs every two years as usual, been pulled off course a few times, but all in all it's been an enjoyable conscious up hill climb toward enlightenment. But one occasion in particular REALLY stands out.
Short Story Time...Becoming Conscious.
“There can be no Religion more true or just, than to know the things that are.” ~ Hermes Trimegistus
While studying with my counsellor many years previous I learned of a book called "An Ascension Handbook" it was channelled material from a Spiritual entity named Serapis, written by a fellow named Tony Stubbs. By this time I had a lot of understanding about "Inner Gifts", so the fact it was channelled material didn't even phase me.
Although I haven't developed my own inner gifts much, I've had direct experience with many Clairvoyants, Aura readers, and the like many times. Once I got to Edmonton It was easy for me to acquire the book. Ironically, as it turns out, the "Function" known as Serapis is also the same energy gestalt known as Hermes Trismegistus, Thoth and Osiris. Now...you don't have to believe a word of this, but those of you who have had similar experiences with Ascended Masters and Angels will be able to completely relate. For the rest of you, just enjoy the story in disbelief.
I'm not going to recite the book for you, but I'll probably quote from it quite often. There is a wealth of information in it about how energy works, and what it is we are all doing here from a Spiritual point of view. All the information provided is also very straight forward and easy to follow, sprinkled with a bit of light hearted hilarity. I can also say with complete sincerity that the recommended exercises work like a Swiss Watch. I actually lost my first copy, but picked up a second one for 6 cents off of Amazon. The guy who sold it obviously had no idea what he had, cause the book is priceless to me.
In the summer of 2006 I was hard at work studying the book and performing a whole lot of deep breathing exercises, when one night I was reading a section about how I could raise my personal frequency with nothing more than intention. I followed Serapis' simple instructions and gave the process a whirl. If you've ever heard about people who have had near death experiences, that's the closest I can explain what happened to me.
All of a sudden I was sitting in my small apartment when everything I had ever wondered about became crystal clear. Any questions I had were instantly answered. When I looked at my library I could have conversations with the authors instantly, as I could clearly hear their voices inside my head. I recall thinking of that old phrase about the line between genius and insanity being very thin, as I was definitely walking along it.
My life made complete sense, including all the anger stuff and I knew EXACTLY what I was doing here on Earth, as well as knowing EMPHATICALLY, how to end the cycle of reincarnation. I also realized an awful lot of work yet remained even though I appeared, for all intense and purposes, to Be Enlightened.
Right away I started to piece together all the knowledge I had been gaining throughout my life and I remember going back to the beginning, right to the very first question I asked myself, the instant I became conscious.
The question: "Who Am I?"
The answer was short and oh so sweet. "I Am that which Is." Once I got the answer to that; I very quickly realized that: "I Am ALL there IS." So I continued to follow this line of thought and wondered why everything looks so separate and once again the answer was simple and obvious.
I AM "apart of" and "a part from" ALL that I AM. The visualization I got was that of my physical body. My legs and arms are not separate from my body, only a part of and parts from my body. To say I was emotional would be like saying Wayne Gretzky was a good hockey player. Actually; the feelings, thoughts, and emotions I was experiencing at that point are unexplainable.
I knew that I knew and I felt great about it. I figured out the ultimate answer and achieved the goal for which I have spent my whole life in pursuit. I couldn't wait to tell somebody, actually, I couldn't wait to tell EVERYBODY! As it turned out, much to my dismay, nobody wanted to listen. In essence, how could such an ordinary Joe with a history of expressing anger, claim to know the mysteries to life? I wonder the same thing.
Another thing that I always wondered about was what my Father first told me about God. For years I wondered which part within me was the God part. As I mentioned earlier, I was doing a lot of deep breathing and while I was in this conscious state, I pieced together that my BREATH is the part within me that is also the God part.
After all those years I finally understood what my Father meant. I just changed the word God, in my Father's explanation with the word Breath and look what happens. "The Kingdom of Breath lies within. Breath is not flesh nor blood, not man nor woman, Breath is the All in All, Breath does not condone or condemn, it accepts. To have Faith is to know that Breath knows what it is doing."
If you think about it; all conscious life starts and ends with the Breath. If you weren't here reading right now, breathing, you wouldn't be disagreeing, or agreeing with anything! You wouldn't have a life, let alone an opinion about what life is all about. Your Breath allows you to create life just like The All creates the Cosmos. I know it sounds nuts, but each of us who Breathe can use that Breath to move energy and if we learn to Breathe consciously we can make manifest material reality with the intention of our Free Will. This website is all about explaining how to do that.
ALL matter is composed of energy. When you get down to the nuts and bolts of matter, material stuff is just really dense energy and all energy moves from a source through each conscious living physical body. The Breath allows the comprehension and manifestation of the intangible into the tangible. But energy composes ALL things, not just things you can pick up. Think about an idea, or a radio wave, or even the air you breath. It's All energy in one shape or form, vibrating and moving at various different densities, in some kind of space, or dimension.
Your Breath allows the abstract concept of God, or whatever you perceive to be creating everything, the power to transform thoughts into anything including, but not limited to, concrete physical reality.
You can pretty mush substitute any abstract concept with the word Breath in the "God" explanation above and the concept evolves into a deep multi-layered understanding. Try the words Love, Trust, Faith, Hope and see what happens. You will soon realize that all things "Outwardly" are manifested from "Within" YOU! Everything we see outside of ourselves is a projection from within. Once you wrap your brain around this truth...trust me things will most definitely change, and you will be the one changing them.
So when I figured all this out, meeting resistance from pretty much everyone who I tried to explain it to, I decided to write a book, which eventually turned into this website idea. I had just solved ALL the worlds problems. So I wandered around in euphoria for about two weeks, high on love, with more energy imaginable when everything came to an abrupt STOP!
I couldn't sustain the energy. "Shit!!" Before I could help anyone I had to help myself first. I still had a lot of old beliefs to clear out and a lot more to remember about how everything worked. My taste of enlightenment was just that, a taste, but also one hell of a short cut!
As it turned out those old "negative" beliefs also hold a frequency, much lower than the frequency I had been introduced to and in order to sustain the higher frequency vibration I had to learn how to let go of the lower frequency stuff. Who ever, or whatever is making the decisions, decided to give me a taste of this alternate reality, but also knew I needed more seasoning to be of any service to others let alone completely Ascend and go home.
Act III: Resolution Time! Now I Can Write Any Ending I Want!
Well here I AM now; 11 years after the highest moment of my life so far. After that little episode I explained above, I hit as rock bottom as one can hit and I hit hard! Saying that I was depressed would be an insult to the level I had fallen. Thankfully "Mr. K" told me about that rubber ball!
I had something to look forward to and let me tell you the assent back up has been nothing short of miraculous in a very ordinary way. Even though I don't sustain the energy of that experience; although, I've brushed by it on a few occasions, I have retained the knowledge download from it. All the things I've continued to wonder about and study are placed in context to those unbelievable and ineffable experiences.
My Life isn't filled with bells and whistles, or fireworks everyday and I can still be pretty miserable from time to time, but I've never felt more joy from moment to moment, or more happiness for simply being alive than I have today. I know I can create anything I can imagine and I've got a pretty decent imagination!
It doesn't matter what kind of experience I have any more they're all good, even the ones I used to label as "bad", or "negative" are now just experiences for which my Spiritual Oneness learns something. I AM grateful for being the "part" of Spirit that gets to move through them. I'm not saying being depressed doesn't suck, but NOW I KNOW that without being depressed, I wouldn't know what it means NOT to be depressed.
Well that's Me in brief. I'm not; "a two comma kid" ~ Finding Forrester, or a guy with a bunch of letters after my name, thinking Post Secondary studies are a trap for the unwary, intending to control Free Will. I never went to church, haven't read much scripture of any denomination; yet, have a deep love of the divine. I've expressed a lot of things, including anger and generally haven't got an ounce of credibility, but here I AM, trying to persuade you to listen to what I have to say.
If you're at all curious to know more about who I Am, or what I Am about feel free to keep reading. Anyone that's known me for any length of time will tell you: He's telling the truth about his Self. I'm quite confident they'll also tell you that I'm an honest person that can be trusted; even though, I can be a prick when want to be, but I can be a 'good guy' too.
Even if you don't completely understand all the things I talk about on my website, you can trust that I'm not leading you down a garden path. No harm will come to you by reading my words. In fact, a lot of my words are deliberately showing you how to protect yourself from those who mean to control your mind. I'm advocating that you control your own mind.
Those of you who know me from Adam can decide if I'm the type of person who is "full of it", or if my words might be worth reading, just by applying the information I'm sharing. I know the proof is in the pudding. Everyone reading this can have access to their very own Map, and an understanding of their own Vibration, just keep reading, I promise to explain more mysterious things than Carter has Pills. I guarantee you'll be amazed how accurate my explanations are if you simply choose to pay attention and play "The Game of Separation" with fun.
Reading here is just another experience, but it's also a road map to navigate through the maze, reminding you to remember your way home.
Thanks for getting to know me a little better and I hope this site can make your own personal journey Home a little easier, a little more enjoyable, and a lot more fun.